Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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