wanna go halves on a baby?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
