I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
