I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Never let your siblings swipe right.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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