This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
