When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
