508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
