I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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