She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Randomize
