Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
