I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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