It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize