i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
zippers are such a cool invention
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize