All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
