dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i already hear my dad disowning me
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I had to cum in my sink.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
