so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
