Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
