I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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