I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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