Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
