The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
