overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
