she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
