I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
