hotel room ftw
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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