His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
