I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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