I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
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