She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
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