i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
