I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
