I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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