I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
