If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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