paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
someone owes me an orgasm
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
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