i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
