You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
