If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
