i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
