There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
third nipple confirmed
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
