i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Randomize
