so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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