he puts the penis in happiness.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
