My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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