Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
