It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
she looked like the before picture.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
