Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
