Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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