so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
