But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
