What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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