Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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