I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
