I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
