I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
