I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
