his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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