well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
