This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize