I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
