Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Never underestimate the power of titties
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
