sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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