I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
we're making bets on your personal life
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
