So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Randomize
