If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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