I feel great
I just peed on a car
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I cut my penus on the lid.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize