Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
