he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
