You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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