dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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