PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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