I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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