Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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